Oracle of Ybor: Developing Boundaries And Ending Friendships

By Caroline DeBruhl

Dear Oracle,

I’m living in PA (from here) & trying to move back to FL with my elderly cat. I’m having a hard time making it happen? I work from home, so I can work from anywhere; I’m in the travel industry. Will it happen? Please advise!-Looking for Sunshine

Cards: The Chariot, Six of Pentacles, Temperance, The Magician (All reversed)

Dear Sunshine,

A confession: I asked the cards a slightly different question for you. I know you wanted to know if you would move back to Florida, but since Tarot isn’t great at answering “yes or no” questions, I asked how you could get back to Florida—and BOY, did they have something to say! With three major arcana cards, some really strong feelings and forces are at play here, including some competing ones (more on that in a minute.)

First, I want to stress that you’ll need patience. With all the cards in reverse, I would say this will take longer than six months, so you’re probably looking at 2024 at the earliest. We also have Temperance, which stresses balance, moderation, and patience. You’ll have to be patient as these plans take shape, and you’ll have to keep a level head about things. It will be important to analyze risks/rewards and see the big picture…especially because your mind will be split between Chariot energy and The Magician.

I’ve written before about how The Chariot is this bombastic energy. It can be potent if you are trying to get shit done because it’s a “go out and get it!” type of card. This energy is about doing whatever you need to do to get you and your cat down to the sunshine state.

On the other hand, we have the equally powerful Magician. The Magician is powerful both in himself and because he’s a conduit of powers above him. He understands that there are things outside of his control.

In order to get down here, you need to be aggressive about what you can do, but you also need to learn what is outside of your control. It’s a bit like The Serenity Prayer: accept what you can’t change, change what you can, have the wisdom to know the difference. You don’t want to keep hitting a wall that won’t crumble, but you don’t want to back down when you need to push through.

Funny enough, I think the only minor arcana—the Six of Pentacles—might offer some advice. It is a card of generosity and sharing of gifts. It might be that someone else can help you move along, either as a benefactor or possibly as a co-conspirator. Is there anyone besides your cat that you would consider this relocation with? I would keep an open mind about where help may come from. Remember: some things may be out of your control, but they might be controlled by someone else. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when necessary.

I hope you make it down to the land of good living, my dear!

Dear Oracle,

As I grow more self-aware and develop boundaries, I find myself desiring to let go of certain friendships that no longer inspire me and challenge me in a healthy way. Because there is no clear guide to friendship breakups, I feel like despite my desire to end friendships, it still hurts, and I’m not completely doing it right. Is my desire to let go of these connections too impulsive? Am I doing it right?

-Foe of a Friend?

Cards: Three of Pentacles, The Devil (rev.), The World (rev.), Eight of Cups (rev.)

Dear Friend,

I’ve written before about how friendship breakups can feel worse than romantic ones, partly because at least when you break up with a partner, you can ask, “Maybe we can be friends?” But when you end a friendship, it’s over. You want them out of your life completely.

I don’t think you’re being impulsive. The Three of Pentacles is often a card about working well with others—but it can be a time to reflect when things don’t feel like they’re best. You know this feels off.

You say you don’t feel inspired or challenged in a healthy way, which suggests you may feel challenged in an unhealthy way. The Devil can be a prison of our own making. While often about the material world, it can also be that we feel like we have to keep working at something, that we’re chained to this rock. But the truth is, we can slip these chains. You can set a boundary and keep from repeating the unhealthy pattern.

Then there’s The World, the end of a journey and the start of a new one. I have no doubt that this friendship has meant a lot to you over the years and probably gave you a lot—but it may have run its course. Just because something ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place. It just means it’s time to let go. I think you know that this is the right thing to do, deep down.

Unless someone is a nightmare, breakups never feel 100% good, even if you know it’s the right call. It has been hurting and will hurt—but the Eight of Cups suggests taking a different approach than what you’ve been doing. You may need to be direct and tell your friend that you want to end things. You don’t need to give a laundry list of reasons but be tactfully honest.

Don’t say, “I just need some space for a little while,” if that’s not true; it’s cowardly and cruel. Be prepared that they might be furious or hurt—and for mutual friends to have opinions about it. But if this is what you need, this is what you need. Figure out how to do it with dignity so you know that you did it the “right” way.

I know this is difficult, but I hope it brings you peace.

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